And...I'm back. But this time I'm not doing anything stupid like promising to write regularly. I do have a new plan for getting back on here though.
I blog in my head every day. But for months now I've been frozen, unable to just sit down and actually write. And it's really been getting me down, despite my resolve not to put so much pressure on myself. So I've finally decided to try something new and see if that might not work for me.
Because I realized that saying I don't have the time is a big fat cop-out. You make the time. People do it. It's so easy to hide behind 'oh i'm supermom i have no time for myself,' but that's simply untrue. Ok, yes, it's sort of true. But priorities need to be weighed a bit and I'm thinking I can easily forgo an hour of sleep here, an hour of tv-watching there.
Also, I realize I've been suffering from a bit of perfectionism anxiety. I have never felt comfortable writing quickly and not editing it down to the best it can be. I remember several years ago a journo colleague explained that blogging is fast, it's getting the thoughts down with no concern for the odd typo or grammatical error. The nitpicky copy editor in me has just not been able to do that though. And I do think the blogging world has room for the kind of carefully crafted pieces I usually write. However, I think it's time I challenge myself to stop editing so much and start writing more, with less obsessive re-reading and more just getting the thoughts out there.
I am feeling really drawn to getting more personal with you too, which continues to terrify the shit out of me. Swearing too. Writers I admire like Andie Fox and M.E. Evans use the f-word and I am really attracted to the idea of getting over myself and doing the same, because it's how I talk and I want to be real. I'm not saying I use it a lot, by any means, but man sometimes no other word will quite do. (Any conservative, easily shocked readers I may have: consider this a warning.) For as long as I can remember I've been trapped in this fear of judgment from the outside world and I am so ready to be OVER THAT.